FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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