3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
