I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
