Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
