I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
