spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
