They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
