I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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