Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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