Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
