No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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