how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
