A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
