Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
