I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
