Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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