You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
