He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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