even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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