so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
