That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
