Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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