I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Two words: blizzard sex
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
