oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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