Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
