um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
