i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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