Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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