Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
