you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
