I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
