fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
