your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
