just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
