I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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