he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
