I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
