Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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