my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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