I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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