sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
