Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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