i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
