Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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