I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
