i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
