Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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