is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
