The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
