She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
