You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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