walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
